Somali Pirates, Seacom Cables, Angolan Oil Pipelines and Stellenbosch University

Now the most inquisitive among you have probably, just by reading the heading of this bog entry, already figured out the correlation between these words and will soon get back to saving the world, sex with models or whatever important things you do. Still I am going to indulge myself and continue to explain the obvious. But enough Meta text let us get down to the facts.


As if Angola does not have enough problems the local marine life has decided to launch a violent coup against the oil pipelines. The fish must have noticed that these pipes are slowly desolating and de-fouling their precious Atlantic aquatic existence. Some marlins have decided that the sword is mightier than the pen and viciously launched themselves against the pipes, penetrating them with their sword like appendages and sacrificing their lives for the cause.

Noble as this might sound the ramifications of this revolution has surly affected, not only Angola, but also the rest of Africa. At the University of Stellenbosch new undersea fibre optic cables (Seacom cables) have recently helped to upgrade the overall internet connection. Unfortunately, this week the connection was disturbed, causing wide spread panic and a malfunction in “THE INTERWEB”.

Allegedly the East coast sword fish have decided to join their underwater brethren and attack the monstrous cables that are invading their habitat. Witnesses have claimed that they saw militarised groups of swordfish all along the east coast of Africa in the past weeks. Gashes and various marks have been found by Seacom workers on some of their cables, but it has not yet been confirmed that the swordfish are responsible for this.

The situation has been enflamed even further by malicious groups of Somali Pirates who are enraged by the aquatic revolt. They claim that their cause is legitimate and that these new militant groups of fish are pulling attention away from the real problems. Undercover journalists in the ranks of the pirates have confirmed that the pirates will temporarily stop attacking ships and focus their rage on the marine life.

The question on all lips now is what Angola will do to fix this horrific situation that they have clearly ushered Africa into. A delegation of Students from the University of Stellenbosch will be sent to Cambinda to host negotiations between the Angolan government and the Cabindan Forum for Dialogue and Peace. It is believed that both these factions will be needed to find a solution for the problem.